The Scary "Charming" Prediction

I have long been a subscriber for an online daily astrology forecast via email. It was just for plain fun and curiosity. But today was the only forecast that got me startled. For those who have already known me well (aka friends), they would surely understand how this kind of prediction freaks the hell out of me...

Charm City
								Sun Trine Jupiter
								On a scale of one to 10, your charm will top out at 99 -- somewhere between lethal and devastating, that is. There's nothing you can't have, but do be careful not to aim this potent magic at anything -- or anyone -- you really don't want to conquer. Overzealous fans can be so tiring!

Goofy Moment

Today, we were featured at the Philippine Daily Inquirer, A6, as the First Gentleman Mike Arroyo gave the first batch of "Bagong Doktor Para sa Bayan" his sorta congratulations party last Wednesday for graduating internship at the Malacanang Palace. This was one of the series of shots that the official photographers of the Palace took for like a couple of minutes which paralyzed my facial muscles after smiling for too long. Anyway, at the top row, center beside FG is the new PLM president Attorney Tamano, also the official spokesperson of the Opposition Party. With all due respect...he is soooo hot! Hahaha!

What a way to end

And yes, I've finally come to this point when the world suddenly stopped spinning, everything froze in time, and I'm like, lying still in my bed, still perplexed with the reality that it really ended. My internship flew so fast, like flashes of memories sweeping by...all I can remember is that I just kept on going to duties day by day. And today is different, I don't need to go to duties anymore. No more running to sign the attendance first thing in the morning to avoid being crossed out. No more checking on charts for new orders. No more dealing with irksome bantays whenever they feel like their patients were not being attended to quickly or they just wanted to be annoying. No more BE/IVs. And most especially, no more monitoring!

These are the things that I now lovingly put in a really good hiding place. Especially the sphygmo. I don't wanna see them until I pass the board exam. Ngek, everytime I remember the boards, I feel like an impending doom is coming. I'm not pessimistic or anything near that, it's just a mind-rattling-realization that the most crucial part of my career is just 3 months away. 3 months.

While most of my classmates and blockmates are busy reserving a spot in review centers or scheduling their out of town vacations, I'm preoccupied with squeezing in tutorial classes into my own review schedule. Hay, I'm not really sure how I'm going to pull this off but I'm keeping my fingers crossed. God will guide the way as He always does.

Amazingly, there are people who I feel like angels being sent to me as God's way of reminding me that things are going to be okay. They are actually new and old friends. One of them is Dr. Victoria Ang, otherwise known as "Mam Toyang." She said goodbye to me on my last duty at Ward 11. And I was touched when she was teary-eyed while saying how she's gonna miss our block. She said that I'm going to do well in boards and in life, in general, and she must've said that almost every intern in PGH, but it really means a lot to me. Especially that it came from someone who I really look up to. I was even surprised when she gave me a small gift which is so timely and useful for my current situation. No wonder she was chosen by the interns this year as top 1 in Puri List. She really is a gem.
Old friend like an ex-boyfriend is also part of my support system. I'm always grateful to him for always sending text messages motivating me to move forward. I know that it may sound fishy for other people, but some love relationships don't last, but most friendships do. Let's just keep it that way. My other old friends include my good old college barkada. They always know how to cheer me up...make me feel good. They really are angels.

Anyway, I almost forgot to mention that I ended my last few days of internship coming to PGH in style...
...with red eyes. I was absent for 2 days which forced the poor Valerie to go on perpetual duty. I thought that I had a viral/bacterial conjunctivitis and the pedia residents were naturally skeptic of allowing me to even chart a patient at the OPD. I now understand how it feels to be alienated. It feels really really horrible. Especially when your friends are like literally jumping out of their seats at the sight of you. Horrible. I had my eyes checked at the Sentro and the ophtha residents said that there's nothing to worry about, it's just an allergic conjunctivitis. Trigger still unknown. I had my friends back after the announcement that I'm not contagious. I then ended my internship with a perpetual duty as a payback of my absence. I'm also done with my 10 hour make-up at OB. Geez...I don't ever wanna go back there. I just wanna worry about my clearance and other stuff that I need for PRC. Grabe...this is it na talaga.

Debunking Old Theories

Theory #1: The Sweet Facade

One time, I was talking to Mac over the phone, a good friend of 22 years...
Mac: "Nabasa ko yung blog mo"
Me: "And?"
Mac: "Mabait ka raw? (chortling at the background)"
Me: "Oo raw."
Mac: "Sinabi talaga nila yun? (more irritating chortle sound)"
Me: "Oo nga raw, kaya nga nasisigawan na lang ako ng kung sino-sino."
Mac: "Eh ang sungit-sungit mo kaya! Balahura ka rin eh!"

And there goes the long 22 years of so-called friendship.

Theory #2: I can sing well

Some people say that I have a good singing voice. And so whenever there's a videoke party or some singing events in school, I've always been tossed into the centerstage, either singing solo or with a group. And so when this really old friend asked me to sing for her wedding, I told my mom about my friend's requested song...

Me : "Mommy, familiar ka ba sa song?"
Mom: "Bakit, kakanta ka ba?"
Me : "Oo raw. So maganda ba yung song?"
Mom: "Bakit ka kinuhang kumanta?" (obviously ignoring my question)
Me : "Eh ewan ko."
Mom: "Kumakanta ka ba talaga?"
Me : "Uhmm...minsan...sa school...sa plm dati...kung saan-saan. Bakit?"
Mom: "Wag ka ng kumanta. Nakakahiya naman."

Wooh mom!

The Sweet Facade

The very first time I overheard someone said that I have this sweet facade that is so deceiving, I was kinda offended by it. I mean, I never faked my "sweetness." It was never a facade. And just because I look "mabait" doesn't mean I can't be bitchy at times. This so-called sweet image had brought me good, but more often than not, bad things. Let me cite some examples.

1. Just last week, I was standing in front of PGH waiting for a bus ride when suddenly someone bumped into me and yelled, "Tatanga-tanga ka kasi!" Outraged by this, I replied "Ano sinabi mo? Bumalik ka dito!" And the woman yelled again, "Ang laki-laki ng bag mo! P*****-ina mo!" Apalled and infuriated, I just thought, "What the hell is wrong with you? I was just standing here." Of course I did not shout back at her or exchange nasty words, everybody was staring at me at the time, I didn't want to attract more attention. And besides, I don't want to stoop down to her level. I told Topher, TJ and Jun about it the next day, and they just said, "Mukha ka kasing mabait. Para kang pwedeng itulak-tulak lang sa daan."

2. I was doing my monitoring at the PACU one day, when I noticed that this co-intern that should be sharing with the monitoring duty was not monitoring at all. I couldn't tell her off to do her part. I mean, we're all adults here, right? But to my dismay, she just sat there the whole time, pretending to be busy. And then she approached me and said that she couldn't stay longer, she gotta go somewhere else. And she just left. When I told my blockmates about this, they just said, "Mukha ka kasing mabait, mukha kang di magrereklamo." Hmp.

3. I always hide from a certain resident who is known to have a "mautos" reputation. I learned different tactics to escape from her unreasonable orders. Besides, I am not rotating under her service. The reason: whenever she enters the callroom, she quickly searches the crowd for me or Ciela, because she assumes we'll take her orders like her obedient and submissive servants. And Topher pointed out again, "it's your sweet facade..."

4. During my IM rotation, I have this diabetic and renal patient who I took care of his daily needs and treated him well with lots of kindness. To my surprise, one morning, he was feeling depressed or something, he took out all his frustration and anger at me, yelling unkind and callous words at me, that I failed to take it all in professionally. I cried. I cried in front of my patient and walked out. And Ross pointed out, "Mukha ka kasing mabait. Wala namang makakagawa ng ganyan sa amin. Palaging nangyayari sayo yan."

And so the lesson of the story? I guess, be more assertive. Look assertive. How to look like one, I don't know.

Donate Blood...Save Lives

I've always wanted to do it, but due to my body weight that had never met the ideal value for my height, I've always been rejected. I felt frustrated especially during the time when my dad needed 20 bags of packed RBCs and fresh frozen plasma, and I couldn't give a part of me to prolong his life. But just today, I was able to persuade the med tech people who were doing the screening to allow me to donate my blood (it actually took a lot of smile and charms to let my weight of 44 kilograms pass through). However, they allowed to get only an aliquot of blood, about 250 mL, which is the typical amount used for pediatric patients. But at least, I am now a proud blood donor! I can now save lives! (or a life of a neonate, maybe)

When the beat keeps coming back

If there's one thing I know I'm good at, and really happy doing, it's dancing. I'm not bragging or anything, it's just a deep realization of my other passions in life. And God, how I miss dancing. As in serious dancing. I've been dancing all my younger years, but I've decided to put it all aside due to other important things that needed my attention and concentration more. I've always thought that since it's something that I've considered already a part of who I really am, I can simply go back to it whenever I please. But now, I really really miss dancing. And performing. And there's no opportunity to do so. I'll just watch all my downloaded music videos over and over again...and drool and die of envy.