The Grinch

It's 2:30 am, Christmas Day, and I just woke up. I just missed the whole christmas eve-12 o' clock-merry christmas thing again this year. I kept still, deciding if I would just go back to sleep or at least try to celebrate for the sake of the christmas season.I chose the latter and helped myself in the kitchen. I ate some spaghetti, chicken and leche flan which my mom cooked yesterday. And then I realized how sad and pathetic I am, celebrating on my own, and so I woke up the dogs and forced them to wear a reindeer headband and took their pictures.

And also took mine. Para fair.

Christmas can't be the same without dad. He was the merriest person in our family, the one who was always eager to take pictures, set the christmas table, serve dinner and dessert, gather us around the christmas tree...he was the life of all my past Christmases. And now no matter how hard I try to have the same christmas spirit, I end up feeling like a fool, cause I know that I'm really not happy, I don't have that christmas thing, and it's depressing.

Anyway, I looked around the house and I appreciated all the efforts my mom put into decorating our home, she herself, maybe, was trying to revive that christmas thing. I wish my dad could see her efforts, I think he would appreciate it too.

We didn't buy anything new. My mom has a great talent for decorating that she can make our home look different every year by recycling and mixing old and new decors. Our home looks happy, but we're not, really.

Anyway, despite the loneliness and depression, I still have a Christmas wishlist which is ofcourse, I know would remain just a list of all the things I want in life, but would never have because it's impractical and selfish to buy them because I know for a fact that I don't really need them to make me happy.

more porcelain dolls to add to my collection

a dollhouse


more miniatures

a pink kikay laptop

a palm treo

For whatever it's worth...merry christmas everyone!

random thoughts

Four days to go and I'll be leaving IM ER and shift into MICU. That's sad cause despite the stench of ER that clings to our scrub suits and the sometimes irritating demands of patients and bantays, I still enjoy the ER life. I thrive in toxicity. I like the come and go mode. And of course the duty post status. I get to sleep the whole day and wake up at night only to sleep again after dinner. It's so tiring kasi and I don't get to rest at the ER even if there's no patient cause we don't really have a "space." I also dread the idea of shifting to MICU because that means that our exam is just 2 weeks away! Ngek, all I know pa lang is reading ABGs and a bit of ECG. I need to cram...like I said, I thrive in toxicity.

--oOo--

I don't really understand the reason why we have to move to another dormitory in the middle of internship. They wanted to put all the resident doctors and interns in one building and all the nurses and nursing aids in another. Well, the new dorm that we'll be moving in is much better than our old one, there's unlimited supply of water and there's no curfew but the rooms are much smaller. And then they wanted me to pack all my belongings and stuff them somewhere else cause the nurse who's going to occupy my space had already started putting her things beside my bed while the nurse who still occupies my new space has not started moving all her things. Ang daya kaya nila. Bahala sila.

--oOo--

I just realized how hard it is to find a boyfriend these days. Not for myself (haha!) but for this friend of mine who never had a boyfriend before. If you find a really good looking guy, it's either he's already in a relationship, or he's gay (unfortunately for me)...or he's straight (unfortunately for my friend). I once found "the one" and pursued it, and failed, cause he's beyond my reach, only to realize that he had already found his love, and was also pursuing it, but also failed because she's beyond his reach. Wala lang, malungkot talaga mainlove.