humming in my head...

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it
But you kept me in line
I didn't know why
You didn't show up sometimes
On Sunday mornings and I missed you
But I'm glad we talked through

All them grown folk things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show
Because you loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today
Face to face

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on I wish
I could talk to you for a while
Miss you but I try not to cry
As time goes by

And it's true that you've
Reached a better place
Still I'd give the world to see your face
And be right here next to you
But it's like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say

You never got a chance to see
How good I've done
And you never got to
See me back at number one
I wish that you were here
To celebrate together
I wish that we could
Spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to
Tuck me in at night
With the teddy bear you gave me
That I held so tight

I thought you were so strong
You'd make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact
You're gone forever

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on I wish
I could talk to you for a while
Miss you but I try not to cry
As time goes by

And it's true that you've
Reached a better place
Still I'd give the world to see your face
And be right here next to you
But it's like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say

Insanity Breaks

My day starts at 5am, plunging early in traffic to get to work at Makati. Good thing korean kids are hardworking students, generally speaking, so there's almost no problem teaching them Bio stuff. They're quick to learn and eager to do homework stuff, otherwise, their strict korean parents might cut off their millions worth of allowance and out-of-the-country-vacation privileges. After the tutorial classes, I go straight to UP Manila to grab a quick lunch and study at the Med library. After choosing a suitable study area (one of those claustrophobic places in the library), I open my book and then start reading the part where I stopped the day before. And then few minutes later, I lift the pages and start measuring the thickness of the pages that remains unread. Then sigh in frustration. Probably an hour later, my chest starts hurting, I feel my pulse racing...I'm going into panic mode again. Realizing how many days are left for the boards make me wanna scream hysterically and then faint...black out. Play dead. There were already 2 people who suggested that I'll take the February boards instead of this August, considering all the other stuff that I need to do everyday besides reviewing. I've also thought of that but waiting for another 6 months is just too long. I must remain brave and should take the risk (*gulp*). I dunno...I'm not really sure how I'm going to pull this off...

the eyebags that've transformed already into luggage bags...
i'm also having pimple break outs...

the different coping mechanisms: (1) study really really hard, (2) stare blankly at open spaces,
(3) give in to the insanity by unbreakable laughter...

...or (4) just be happy and confident about it

We're expecting a baby girl!

There will be a new bootilicious-femme-fatale addition to the Rabago clan coming this June. It's my big sister's first baby...(and you were thinking...)...name still undisclosed. We're all excited. Sadly, I would get to see my niece maybe after 2-3 years, the next time my sister gets home here in the country.

Three Pretty White Roses

June 1, 2008

The Scary "Charming" Prediction

I have long been a subscriber for an online daily astrology forecast via email. It was just for plain fun and curiosity. But today was the only forecast that got me startled. For those who have already known me well (aka friends), they would surely understand how this kind of prediction freaks the hell out of me...

Charm City
								Sun Trine Jupiter
								On a scale of one to 10, your charm will top out at 99 -- somewhere between lethal and devastating, that is. There's nothing you can't have, but do be careful not to aim this potent magic at anything -- or anyone -- you really don't want to conquer. Overzealous fans can be so tiring!

Goofy Moment

Today, we were featured at the Philippine Daily Inquirer, A6, as the First Gentleman Mike Arroyo gave the first batch of "Bagong Doktor Para sa Bayan" his sorta congratulations party last Wednesday for graduating internship at the Malacanang Palace. This was one of the series of shots that the official photographers of the Palace took for like a couple of minutes which paralyzed my facial muscles after smiling for too long. Anyway, at the top row, center beside FG is the new PLM president Attorney Tamano, also the official spokesperson of the Opposition Party. With all due respect...he is soooo hot! Hahaha!

What a way to end

And yes, I've finally come to this point when the world suddenly stopped spinning, everything froze in time, and I'm like, lying still in my bed, still perplexed with the reality that it really ended. My internship flew so fast, like flashes of memories sweeping by...all I can remember is that I just kept on going to duties day by day. And today is different, I don't need to go to duties anymore. No more running to sign the attendance first thing in the morning to avoid being crossed out. No more checking on charts for new orders. No more dealing with irksome bantays whenever they feel like their patients were not being attended to quickly or they just wanted to be annoying. No more BE/IVs. And most especially, no more monitoring!

These are the things that I now lovingly put in a really good hiding place. Especially the sphygmo. I don't wanna see them until I pass the board exam. Ngek, everytime I remember the boards, I feel like an impending doom is coming. I'm not pessimistic or anything near that, it's just a mind-rattling-realization that the most crucial part of my career is just 3 months away. 3 months.

While most of my classmates and blockmates are busy reserving a spot in review centers or scheduling their out of town vacations, I'm preoccupied with squeezing in tutorial classes into my own review schedule. Hay, I'm not really sure how I'm going to pull this off but I'm keeping my fingers crossed. God will guide the way as He always does.

Amazingly, there are people who I feel like angels being sent to me as God's way of reminding me that things are going to be okay. They are actually new and old friends. One of them is Dr. Victoria Ang, otherwise known as "Mam Toyang." She said goodbye to me on my last duty at Ward 11. And I was touched when she was teary-eyed while saying how she's gonna miss our block. She said that I'm going to do well in boards and in life, in general, and she must've said that almost every intern in PGH, but it really means a lot to me. Especially that it came from someone who I really look up to. I was even surprised when she gave me a small gift which is so timely and useful for my current situation. No wonder she was chosen by the interns this year as top 1 in Puri List. She really is a gem.
Old friend like an ex-boyfriend is also part of my support system. I'm always grateful to him for always sending text messages motivating me to move forward. I know that it may sound fishy for other people, but some love relationships don't last, but most friendships do. Let's just keep it that way. My other old friends include my good old college barkada. They always know how to cheer me up...make me feel good. They really are angels.

Anyway, I almost forgot to mention that I ended my last few days of internship coming to PGH in style...
...with red eyes. I was absent for 2 days which forced the poor Valerie to go on perpetual duty. I thought that I had a viral/bacterial conjunctivitis and the pedia residents were naturally skeptic of allowing me to even chart a patient at the OPD. I now understand how it feels to be alienated. It feels really really horrible. Especially when your friends are like literally jumping out of their seats at the sight of you. Horrible. I had my eyes checked at the Sentro and the ophtha residents said that there's nothing to worry about, it's just an allergic conjunctivitis. Trigger still unknown. I had my friends back after the announcement that I'm not contagious. I then ended my internship with a perpetual duty as a payback of my absence. I'm also done with my 10 hour make-up at OB. Geez...I don't ever wanna go back there. I just wanna worry about my clearance and other stuff that I need for PRC. Grabe...this is it na talaga.